Jado (jeroenwing) wrote,
Jado
jeroenwing

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Since I apparently can't be bothered to update online with any regularity, I thought I'd share some random journal-esque writing I composed at work earlier today. Cast thy gaze upon my catharsis...


7:35pm:

One hour and 25 minutes of unadulterated and unmitigating boredom and forced cheerfulness left to endure. As a last resort by which to retain my sanity, I turn to writing (again?). Predictable, I'm sure...but the same could be said for Scooby Doo, right? And don't a deserve a proverbial Scooby Snack in my own right? ONWARD!

As the various dimensions (light, sound, time, space, etc.) continue to hurtle by, leaving me at a standstill in their wake, it has dawned upon me how relatively unchanged I am. Sure, I've moved out of father's house, became married, and all that jazz, but when it comes down to it...those are just like status changes. Not unlike being toasty in Suikoden or a pygmy in any random Final Fantasy game, I guess you could say (although I don't really have any elixir or tonic to produce a counter-effect - but I digress). The core essence of who I was in, say, eighth grade - that remains. Even if it has been slightly augmented and expanded upon since, I've yet to notice that mythical mutation into a mature adult. Maybe that's a drawback to being incredibly self-aware at a young age. It's probably akin to staring at the minute hand of a clock. When you're watching, it doesn't seem as though it moves. Such is my existence?

I miss it [home] a great deal more than I would have suspected. The predictablity of it all. Feeling like a valued contributor, instead of an easily replaced quantity of hours. A genuine comrade, as opposed to someone to simply kill time with during/after work.

I want it to be known that I didn't willfully abandon anyone. While I'm notoriously good at letting things gradually slide over the edge, it's not as though that's the path I wanted. I only accepted it because I thought that others were fine with it. And I supose the prospect of them actually being alright with it and not thinking of me any longer is the most troubling of all.

ENUFF'ZNUFF TIME 4 A CHANGE
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